Dearest Belle,
Today was my very first Mother’s Day. It felt so surreal to be celebrated as a mom… to be celebrated as YOUR mom…
Papa and I have been so preoccupied with just surviving the day-to-day of being new parents that Papa didn’t have the mental wherewithal to prepare an extravagant event for me like he usually does.
He’s usually VERY good about planning surprises for me.
He did ask me to keep an eye on you so that he could run out and grab coffee and breakfast for us at 6 AM, but that was the extent of our celebration. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed, but the reality of our situation is that we’re parents of a 10-week-old baby in the middle of a pandemic.
The past few days, you’ve been sleeping longer stretches at night, and we THINK we’re finally figuring out how to put you down for the evening more efficiently. You still won’t nap in long stretches for anything, but at least you’re getting more sleep throughout the night. So it’s 9:40 PM, and you’re down for the count, giving Papa time to play his video game and me some time to reflect on this day and write you this letter.
Being your mama has been one of the most challenging tasks of my life. It has tested and stretched me in ways I’ve never experienced, but it has also taught me how to love deeper and more unconditionally than I ever thought possible. You are the miracle maker in my heart, and I am thankful everyday that I get to call you my baby.
These days, you’re smiling and responding more to my voice and my presence, and it has made a WORLD of difference in my psychology. It finally feels like I’m actually connecting with you and that, in and of itself, has been one of the greatest rewards and gifts I can receive as your mama. Every morning, when I wake you up and un-swaddle you, you greet the day by stretching your arms and legs, groaning and grunting (and oftentimes farting) as you release the sleepiness from your body. Then, our eyes meet, I say, “Good morning, my love”, and you smile…
It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life, and it lightens my heart like nothing has ever done before. Sometimes, I hold you in my arms, and I wonder to myself: Will I ever love anything or anyone as much as this little one???
Thank you for bringing so much joy and love into our family. Thank you for being a vessel through which Papa and I learn the Father’s heart more intimately. Thank you for making us parents - for making me a mama. Thank you for being my baby.
Love always,
Mama