I recently read a Buzzfeed article titled “23 Women Share What They Wish People Understood About Infertility.” Many of the things these women shared resonated with me, so I wanted to share some of the points that stood out to me in a few separate posts.
Post No. 1
“Please don’t tell us how ‘lucky’ we are that we can get a full night’s sleep, sleep in late, or go out anytime we want.”
Let me set the record straight: Going through seemingly endless cycles of treatments/medication, ultrasounds, procedures, hope, devastation, collecting and putting back together pieces of yourself and healing is NOT my idea of being lucky.
Being able to get pregnant without having to spend a shit-ton of money is lucky.
Being able to carry your baby to term is lucky.
Having someone in your life that you love more than life itself is lucky.
Not being able to go out because your child needs you at home, rather than because you need to save up whatever money you can for the next round of treatment, is lucky.
I’m sure sleep deprivation and the sense of losing your freedom is tiring and difficult. And I usually tell myself that if these individuals had enough sleep and awareness, they would NEVER say something so insensitive and thoughtless.
But it still stings.
Every.
Single.
Time.
I can’t tell you the number of nights I’ve lost sleep, tossing and turning, worried and scared about the what-ifs - the number of times I jolted awake in the middle of the night in a frenzied state of panic. I can’t even BEGIN to tell you what it feels like to think that your husband is so unlucky to have met someone who needs to go through all this and spend so much money on fertility treatments… all without a guarantee that it will actually work. I can’t tell you how deeply it cuts me when you sit there bemoaning the demands and costs of raising a child, when I’m spending, trying and praying so desperately for the CHANCE that I may have one of my own someday.
So before you tell me how lucky we are that we have so much time and resources to ourselves, please, please, PLEASE think about the implications of your words on someone who would gladly exchange late nights out and traveling opportunities to have just ONE child of their own.